Archive for February, 2012

i am here

I sit in front of the mirror wiping the makeup off my face.

Tears fall gently as i thank God for my life

A few more moments in this life to breathe the warmth of summer

A walk through the garden, your strong rough hand gives mine comfort

The only thing not wilting in the heat is the blood red rose you planted for me last spring

I stop and recall your voice asking if i liked it

I see in my mind, your dirty hands cupping my face as you kiss me tenderly

The scent of fresh dirt will ever smell beautiful.

You spread our favorite blanket on the lawn

And from the shade of the willow, the sky is blue and endless.

As i lay my head on your lap a warm breeze from nowhere washes over us

Your eyes look into mine, searching my thoughts

I reply in a whisper that i could lie here forever, with you, always

Drifting in and out of slumber, i feel your thumb brush across my lips

I smile and drift off again.

The scent of your aftershave awakens me yet you are not near

My fingers trace over the shirt i wear… your t shirt from the previous evening

I realize my head is on the softest of pillows and a crisp cotton sheet covers my body.

Quiet yet heart wrenching tears wash bitterness from your soul as you enter the room

I lie quietly as i watch you approach my side, your eyes red and your heart broken

The quiver in your voice as you ask how i could leave you

No matter how many times i reply “i am here” you do not hear me

You hold me close, oh how i do love you Mister, my heart, my life, my all

Please don’t cry… please.. Please!! I am right here…

I plead with you to not cry yet i do not shed a tear

My heart aches to feel you as you hold me

I am sorry my love

As you scream out from the most incredible depths of who you are i close my eyes and fall into the light


Where am i in my life?

i stop and think…

Where was i at in this world 3 1/2 decades ago?

i was in Venice Italy;

30 years ago…

rocking my first born while singing to her (sorry Rach.. i am tone deaf)

20 years ago all 3 kids in school.

This life is but a snap in time..

I want to be able to look back and think that maybe i made a difference somewhere and didn’t just go along for the ride.

So the fact that its Thursday already has nothing on the fact that i am 49.

Time is irrelevant… Your actions in life are what matters!

Make a difference

what am i doing to make a difference in the world i live in? i don’t want to just be someone’s somebody. We have a suffering world that needs us desperately. So instead of asking me on a date that costs $50 for a meal and $30 for movies and popcorn, just take me blanket shopping for the homeless people that are cold. or how about gloves and hats…. how many could we buy for that $80? how much food could you buy for a hungry family? If you want to impress me, show me your compassion for humanity and a benevolent heart Please!!

The echo of silence

I stand before him. In the soft light, I am vulnerable as never before.

Every cell in my body can feel him breathe as he walks around me,

I stand still as he looks at me, teaching me to be patient.

I feel the warmth of his body as he comes closer.

I shudder as he leans in and inhales the perfume I wear.

All of me desires to turn and take him into my arms, but I wait.

I cannot discern if my trembling is from the chill of the air or my nervousness

It has been so very long since we last saw each other.

His voice is deep and smooth like honey to my soul.

I do not hear a word he speaks…

Just his voice as his warmth circles around to my front.

The echo of silence in my ear is broken as his hand passes.

Fingers glide near my scalp; he tangles his fingers in my hair.

Pressing his lips against mine, my blood pulses rapidly in my jugular

The chill of the air strikes my wet lips as he pulls away and looks at me once more

His gentle touch on my spine contradicts his mouth’s primitive hunger

Thus putting my body at odds in sensation

I mold to him as he draws me near. Again…. and again!

Oh how long I have waited for his kiss!  


My heart dies….and fades without your comfort
My soul longs to have but a moment with you
When i hear your voice my spirit soars
i feel like everything is new again
How do i express your importance to me
and not sound like a sappy fool?

You make me melt
You make me love deeper
You make me breathe
You make me feel wonderful
You make me want to scream of love from the roof
You make my adrenaline pump
My heart pounds so hard i can’t hear a thing
When we don’t speak my heart feels like winter
Cold, desolate, quiet, without color
But the minute the resonance of your voice hits my ear
You make me feel like a child in the warm spring sunshine
The grass in new, the winter flowers bloom so fragrant
Birds sing happily right before the dawn
i can smell the earth on my morning walk in the woods

It’s like turmoil in my heart
Adrenaline in my veins that waxes and wanes
As you walk in and out of my touch
Is this really love?
Its pain is wonderful
It’s wonder is exhilarating!
It’s lonely longing drags me to the abyss
i can’t breathe normal
i gasp for air…being consumed by the thickness of whatever this love thing is
It is not painful….just a shock to my system.

What have you done to me?

Seattle Space Needle Space Needle

Another incredible shot. WOW! i m truly loving your photography

Seattle Lights Lights

What a fantastic shot of Seattle. Thank you Dmitrii for such a view of my home 🙂

Oh Happy Day

Hey you… Birthday Boy!





Believing in me!




One helluva sense of humor!



An electronic friendship, a yearning for a moment in time to wrap my arms around you…just once in my life if that’s all i am ever blessed to whisper in your ear and tell you that you are adored and loved, and i am thankful for our friendship, our silly moments as well as intense moments.

Thank YOU!! for allowing me to spend a few moments of eternity with you, laughing, being silly, talking seriously, listening to you when you finally speak up over my chatterbox mouth. Thank you for the friendship that i hold so dear in my heart.

Happy Birthday my dear sweet friend… Happiest of days to you.

i will love you always.

How do you spell Love?


This post has nothing to do with anyone that is truly disabled.

Most people think their lack of ability is a disability. its not!

Snoqualmie Falls February 5, 2012

a mini road trip today with my mama. When i started this journey a week or so ago i sat and talked with her. She is excited for me but was even more excited that i asked her to share in my journey. After walking away at 17 and shutting so much of my childhood out of my adult life and limiting what i did allow in i seriously need to grasp and hold tight to the great things i foolishly let go of.

i am so very blessed to have my mama here with me, no matter how crazy we tend to be…i would not change a moment together!!

This first picture posted from my new camera… dedicated to my wonderful mama… 86, wise, loving and she bops her body and head back n forth to the music with me in my car… What a hoot!!!

i love you mama

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