Archive for March, 2012


Different Views in life

Colors and hues and views, oh my!

Pretty in Pink

I hope your day is wonderful

full of opportunity to grasp,

love to be shared, hands to hold,

someone to dream fantastic things with.

March 28, 2012, before the rain


Do you see this five foot two, eyes of blue??

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She loves you from the depths of her heart.

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She would stand before insurmountable danger just to protect you.

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She knows what matters in life… She knows YOU matter in her life.

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The love in her heart for you makes her brave and strong,

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Yet she stands humbly in your presence, head down, showing reverence.

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If only you knew her heart, but then again, she knows you do.

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This woman is ever thankful for the love and acceptance you have for her.

Once Upon a Time, years and years ago, there lived a young woman.

she was fair haired and had deep blue eyes.

she sang a song in her heart, she knew the song had no words but that did not stop her from singing.

she sought very hard to find the Songwriter who knew the words to her melody.

she was imprisoned by her father, a drunkard who thrived with his violent and condescending tongue.

the young woman was desperate to escape and unknowingly entered the snare of a man who was no better than her father.

still the young woman sang.

no matter what these men in her life did she sang in her heart, calling out to the Songwriter, the only man who knew the melody.

she had a brief glimpse of the Songwriter, they encountered one another every few moons.

with every encounter the two enjoyed each other all the more.

she was unaware that He was the One for whom she sought.

yet she felt a tug at her heart, the song she sang pulled her to Him

the taskmaster threatened her, for he knew the Songwriter was now calling to her and she no longer sang alone

his words to her were venomous, attempting to poison her heart

one day during a weak moment in her taskmasters life she sought to flee, and flee she did.

others came and went, attempting to lure her away from the Songwriter.

not knowing who was calling to her heart she looked blindly in all directions

as his voice echoed she veered, hither and yon, seeking the One whom she could hear

she could see the others mouths speaking words but as she gathered close they were not the words that called her

she encountered the Songwriter and shared her news of freedom

when He spoke, she looked with wonder, was this another echo she was hearing

He continued to speak until she was close enough to hear Him

it was neither an echo nor a trick

her heart sang, He wrote a word to match

she sang again and thus He wrote

the more she sang, the more His words flowed   

soon she sang, her melody dripped from her heart like honey

one day, the Songwriter whispered to her…I have sought the melody maker all my life

 

 

i woke this morning, a smile and tear on my face
to a world that seems dreary
i knelt at my bed, to the God i humbly face
and saw the world more clearly
i thanked Him for my life, and the world anew
for the ability to write this letter
i said a prayer for all, a special one for You
for the world to be much better
God wiped my tear, saying “no need to cry
for My hand is upon them, you see”
He touched my heart, saying “My Son did die
so that they may know me”
Though i know this promise, deep in my heart
sometimes He must remind me.
Through the love of the Father, He did impart
a touch of wisdom so kindly

Like the tree in fall who must humbly shed their leaves of protection and beauty in order to let the seed drop and create anew, there are times i must take all of my superfluous things that protect me and make me lofty and shed them so i may get back to the heart of the matter. Humility, meekness, making myself lower…….let me once again sit before You, shed of all pretensions, at Your feet with reverence. Quiet the cacophony of life so i may hear Your direction for me, please.    

He passed by…

I sat there, like a dust covered book. Waiting to be read, chapters of romance longed for and excitement needed; of love unrequited.

With a determined strong hand he lifts me off the shelf, caressing my cover with his fingertips over the title. With a gentle breath he blows off the dust.

As he opens me his heart wrenches at the tear stained pages. He begins to read steadily, at times rereading a chapter as if to study and memorize. He reads the sad chapters with anguish and strokes my pages with warmth, many times holding me close to his heart so i can feel the steady beat of that which makes him my constant.

As he reaches the chapter of my dreams he reads aloud, and responds in kind with his own dreams, sharing commonalities. I rest in his warmth and love and listen to him, his voice washes over me and encompasses me.

Opening the chapters of my love, he is drawn in, with excitement. Eager to turn the page but holding back so he may enjoy where he is at a bit longer. I feel his anticipation to go on, to discover, to learn and i finally whisper… turn the page my love. With a heavy breath in he feels the love i have like never before. He turn another page and begs me to read to him.

As i begin his arms engulf me in his adoration and he listens intently. My voice low, sweet and steady i speak of the love inside me, the love i crave to share with him. His lips brush my hair with his kisses. i read for hours, then days until i reach the pages with nothing on them.

He looks with curiosity at the white sheets before him when i smile at him and place the most elegant writing instrument in his hand. I press my lips to his cheek and whisper near his ear how i have sought for the one who would take the time to read me with such love and enthusiasm, warmth and care. My voice, in a quiet hush tells him the pen is his alone.

The call came from the lawyer “your divorce was final yesterday; I was out of town and got the message this morning when I opened the office.”

I walked into the bathroom… I looked in the mirror at the end of what i felt was a loveless marriage, my last glimpse in the mirror that was once mine.

This is it shorty!! Everything you wanted! An end to the yelling, the fighting, the hatred you feel. An end to the home you called your own yet never felt at home in, where every furnishing was what he wanted, the paintings on the wall… everything. An end to your identity less existence as his wife.

Why are you crying and looking at yourself like that. You wanted this, didn’t you? Damn i hate looking back at you when you cry… it’s like you have no idea what you want… don’t you? You don’t know what to do now?? Are you kidding me?? This has been planned since late January… you just went for an interview in Seattle yesterday, before your last night in this house you hate in podunk nowhere with “him”.

Did i seriously just say hate?? I dreamed of living in this house as a child. I guess it’s true…be careful what you ask for…

And since the kids left i hate it here. My nucleus of love is gone. There is nobody to talk to; every word i say seems to grate on his nerves, irritating him to the point…well i won’t go there. Why does he pick apart every sentence you speak like you have an agenda against him? Why has he always done that? I am not the bad guy, i am not the criminal!

Oh my gosh, stop crying, you are so immature! And why do i keep talking to myself like this… You… i… you… i have an identity, don’t i? Well i know i need to find one.

Dear Lord, please allow me to find someone i can talk to instead of myself in the mirror.

Dear Lord, i hate looking back at me, seeing my eyes red and listening to my own voice in my head.

Dear Lord … PLEASE! PLEASE allow me to find someone to talk to that will care and listen. I mean…really care, that will take an interest in what i say, and will just listen to me because they like me. Please allow me to find someone that is kind, someone to love, that will accept my love.

Dear Lord, allow me to have friends, please. Allow people to like me please. Allow my garrison that protects my heart to one day be penetrable by someone brave enough to enter and bring warmth back to my heart.

Dear Lord, please allow my coldness to become a wellspring of love and warmth to others. Please Lord, help me to do what i must to go forward in my life, to be adventurous and brave.

Dear Lord… i have never been alone before… yes Lord i know i have always had You but i mean alone…just me… You understand don’t You Lord?? I mean physically.  Alone… Lord?? I am scared, i don’t know if You understand scared…but i am. My heart hurts to think of being alone, always alone. Is this what i really wanted???

More tears. Always tears… the one thing that washes ugliness from my soul… i think that’s why tears are salty… i remember walking outside to the trash to throw away tissues that had my tears on them so the ugliness was out of my house. How silly and superstitious that sounds. I’m sorry Lord.

You know Lord… i will cry like a baby when i leave… You know he won’t. I completely get this, i do Lord. I understand the ripping away, the pain of separation; i know it’s needed so we can move on in our lives…but really?

After the years of arguing, yelling, crying… Really Lord must it be so hard at the bitter end?

Well i answered my own question… “The bitter end”!

Warren G. Magnuson Park…awesome shot Mr. Ryzner