Category: Randomness


Just when i thought my life couldn’t get any better i set my purse between myself and the steering wheel to look for carmex (while parked) and VOILA’… My Bluetooth disconnects from my car and my car decides she is frickin bilingual.
Well I cannot re-sync my blue tooth until I convince her she’s not from France. But I don’t speak French so she doesn’t understand a word i say.

Scuse Me While I Kiss the Sky

 

My second video on Youtube

Somewhat normal

As a somewhat normal person I have struggles like everyone else. I often wonder if my struggles are normal at all. While in counseling years ago I described by biggest obstacles (excluding marital unhappiness)…she told me my sensory issues are classic of autism. But my expression of what is inside me is so unlike autism. I asked…whats wrong with me? She said… “absolutely nothing!” Two of the most powerful words I have ever heard after years of being told I was stupid.

One of the biggest challenges I have is with sensory overload. When I am in a room I struggle to hear only the conversation that I am in at the moment. I truly hate the television.. it is this distracting box of noise that makes me want to cry. When having a conversation with my mother in the same room where a TV is on I tend to be short and get irritated when she speaks. We can have the same conversation sitting outside on the porch and I am perfectly fine.

When I am at work I wear ear buds that drown out other noises so all i can hear is the music I play. There are people speaking all the time, sometimes 10 or so conversations going on at the same time. I hear them all, I wish I didn’t. The coworkers with the grating voices and attention seeking behavior that disrupt me have no idea how hard it is to gather my thoughts and refocus on my work. Sometimes I take a bottle of visine in the bathroom with me, pull off a ton of toilet paper and just let the tears fall into it. I control my breathing so nobody hears my sobbing. I calm down, wipe my tears, blow my nose and drop visine in my eyes. I walk back to my desk with my head down. I know people think I am aloof or stuck up but I just cannot make eye contact after crying like that. Not because you will know I have been crying but because my senses are at their peak and when I look at someones face I take hundreds of mental pictures of them. I can easily topple into overload again.

Another struggle I have is having flooding memories. Just like the overload going in that I cannot shut down I have the overload going out. When writing I know I have a dozen stories to tell, but when I try to write just one the others invade my thoughts.

My saving grace(s)…My best friend. When I am with him my heart and soul are elated. We go to the movies and I remember enough to discuss the plots and characters afterwards but to say I enjoyed the movie? I would say I enjoyed the company and just being able to spend time with him. If I want to truly enjoy the movie for the movie… I will see it without him. When we go to dinner I am so focused on him and what he is saying that the world is drowned out. And my opinion matters to him. When I speak he closes his mouth and watches my eyes, my body language, he listens to the words that come out of my mouth. When I speak of something that saddens me i can see my emotion reflected in his mannerisms and visual response. I love my best friend so deeply that I do not hear the world around me. When we first met I cried from being confused. It was one of the only times I can recall that i did not hear the cacophony of the world around me. The other saving grace is my camera: When I stand with a camera in my hand and I look through the view finder I can focus but do not see in detail what I am looking at. I have found photography to be one of the nicest blessings in my life. I come home to edit the photos and there on my monitor will be a hidden gem I didn’t see with my eyes, I didn’t study it, I didn’t take mental pictures…It is this treasure for me and I thank God for the blessing of not having had seen it with my eyes and have my brain wonder and photograph a hundred times.

being courteous

One of the things that truly annoys me about being a nice  person…is being a nice person.

People tend to take advantage of you when you are nice, when you turn the other cheek and forgive. The people with attention seeking behavior prey on the person who is kind to them.

Today, after many interruptions at work this person bothered me again. I snapped with a very sharply inflected “WHAT”…all i got was a air of disgust and a “Fine” back as she stormed off.

i emailed an apology (for the record, literally) and said i was sorry for snapping but enough is enough. i asked her to help me by please being courteous to me as i am to her.

my email was returned with the stupidest cartoon drawing telling me to get back to work and stop blogging.

Instead of owning up to what she did wrong she tries to make light with idiocy. I would like to bury my head and cry sometimes.

If you think i am overreacting… i had earbuds in, music on, was working on an account and researching 2 Medicare manuals trying to make sense of it all, she stopped by and i stopped what i was doing. pulled out an ear bud, looked up and she stuck her tongue out at me.

 

tears pour down my face… i dislike being unkind.

With my best girlfriend, Angela…Good times, great laughs and God’s beauty…not necessarily in that order!

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July 24, 2012 got a wild hair at 8:30 pm. Grabbed the backpack and waved at Mama as i said… Be back after the sun sets! Life is fantastic and wonderful.

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phun with fotos

La Belle Dame Sans Merci 44 x 53 inch Wall Tapestry

La Belle Dame Sans Merci Wall Tapestry

tea cups and saucers

a new beautiful leather bound journal

Inlay Rose Brown Italian Leather Journal with Tie

and this Baroque Bed frame